So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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