i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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