Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
