at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I see more hoeing in ur future
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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