I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize