The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
