i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
