he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Randomize
