May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
