Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(972): View more from Texas

90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina

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(310): View more from California

He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.

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(727): View more from Florida

i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night

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(607): View more from New York

I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.

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(515): View more from Iowa

i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.

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(480): View more from Arizona

He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out

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(956): View more from Texas

She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.

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(312): View more from Illinois

There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.

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