Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
only you would photoshop your dick
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
