my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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