i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
