idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
