he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
vagina is talking i cant
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
