I want to make a zoo with you.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
