k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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