Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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