Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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