Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
