i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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