I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize