i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
