Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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