you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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