I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
