maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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