Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
