ya dads aren't the best wingmen
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
