What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
