He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
