I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
