I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
