you're like a bully in the Christmas story
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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