My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
