i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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