Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
