i already hear my dad disowning me
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
