so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
It's rum buckets o'clock
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
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