I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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