also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
