Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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