Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize