as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
BRING THE BAGELS
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
