Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
