My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
