I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
