On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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