You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I need water and some morals
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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