Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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