My Higher Power is John Stamos
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
