you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
