Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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