the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
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