Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Randomize
