Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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