That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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