My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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