Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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