Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Text me some of your sweat
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
