my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
