Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
