I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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