I swear she didn't look like that last week.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
