I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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