You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
