He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
