there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
