OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
No stitches, just platelets and will power
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
