you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
