so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
