shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Everyone says I win the strip club
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Randomize
