we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize