im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
