He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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