U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
