what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
