Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
