Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize