I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
