i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
