so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I think my vagina is haunted
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
