I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
are you so shy because you have an std?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
