you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
