I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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