it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I feel like a drive thru vagina
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
