Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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