I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
