I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
