I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize