When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize