Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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