So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
