Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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