I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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