the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
