Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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