grandma shit on top of the toilet
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
