My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
