Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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