When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I just found a bag of teeth...
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Randomize
