Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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