Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
