And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
His hands were made for my vagina.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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