ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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